My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
