Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
