Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
