I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
