We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
