When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
