Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
