AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and she was petting her beer can
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
