Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My ass is underappreciated
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize