my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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