So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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