Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
