Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
