I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize