How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
