i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
