I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
