I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
