Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
