Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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