Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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