Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
