Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
