We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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