I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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