Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
