he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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