Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
