I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
