i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
