WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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