the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
