She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
