he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
