Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
