The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
