why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
