Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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