The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I would fuck him just for his dog
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
