I faked an abortion last night.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
