yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
