don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize