I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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