Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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