I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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