also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
