So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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