i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize