lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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