no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
