I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
