I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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