i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
