what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
