In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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