i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
