Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
