***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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