I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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