once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
