Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
