She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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