if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
