New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
