I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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