Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
