is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
