She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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