It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
