Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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