I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
