Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
