What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
