Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
