Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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