Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
