On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
