She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
