i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
