she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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