I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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