Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
