I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The ass gains better be worth it
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