No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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