you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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