After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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