As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
