How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
