Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
