i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we're making bets on your personal life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
