K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
